Sunday 21 December 2014

Christmas Story for 2014

As I write this on paper on windy night,  (please note that this was transcribed on to this blog post after being found in a deserted house), I hear that a major city in the north has lost its power. Again, that’s the second time in a week that a city has lost its services. Some say its terrorists, some blame another country, but I can’t say that. I know the truth. That is why I have to write it down, but not on a computer because that needs electricity. And what is out there, doesn’t need coal, it s just needs the water and the sun…

“That will never be. Who can impress the forest, bid the tree unfix his earthbound root?” Shakespeare, Macbeth

A month ago, maybe even more, there was, in this country, an unrecorded slaughter. A massacre. An armageddon. And those bodies, carcasses, mortal remains…those chassises of coiled DNA were  bisected from their cultural roots, dragged from where they fell without words of thanks or ceremony. If they were lucky, their bodies were bagged up in cheap plastic liners, some may say biodegradable sleeves but I have seen the evidence. And loaded into refrigerated trucks, vans, pantechnicons without a parson to register the loss of life. They have come from nurseries small in size to the vast industrial sized spaces and now await their fate, we had a choice in this decimation. The government even sanctioned the removal of a hundred thousand of these bodies from their own dwellings. In Britain - be it on the highlands, the islands, the lowlands, on the estates - it is estimated that this number increases to six million living entities. 

...wait, I think I just heard something outside the window, oh dear, sweet thing, don’t come yet...

Maybe I was just imagining things, I have been told the global numbers of this annual massacre include numbers of up to and over one hundred and eighty million. In 2009, Pakistan had a population of one hundred and eighty one million. Somewhere, these bodies lay either resplendent in death or piled on top of each other awaiting the next movement. Some may end up in a lay by on a dual carriageway, whilst others are awaiting to be taken to a house near you in exchange for money or a favour. You may even have one in your room.

...did you hear that, I am sure that was an explosion near me…oh no, now the lights have gone out…found a candle and some matches…I must finish this before they get too much closer…

Have you seen them bedecked in gaudy tinsel, their dehydrated limbs supporting glass and metal baubles, their desiccated needles pining for a forgotten fjord. It is said that some go bald, some are sprayed with flammable liquids to preserve their natural flora, the luckier ones get to keep their roots and maybe the same soil they grew up. But look out of your window, look at the glowing and blinking windows of the next door neighbours, imagine that you have can move back the net curtains to gain a better view. That plant, the humble Christmas tree, a Norwegian spruce of approximately six foot would have given you nineteen grams of oxygen per day. At night, it changes its natural mechanisms and produces fourteen of carbon dioxide. Imagine what that government sanctioned arboricide would have produced in oxygen. It was thought that mid November was when nature started fighting back, some say earlier than that. The plants started invading the cities more than people that thought they would. Britain is home to grasses and grasslands, but those grasses can grow at a great rate given the right conditions. Next time, if you get the chance, look out at a field and look at the blades of grass. How high are they? Ten, twenty maybe thirty centimetres, fifty centimetres. Look at that plot of ground, how many species of grass are there in that one area? They could be fifty species. All fighting for light, nutrition and water. Why do they call them blades? 

…another noise, that sounded like breaking glass, a blast of cold air affronts my safety and security and then I hear the sound of sliding, whispering, the movement of something organic, I must concentrate…

The power stations near York succumbed to a plant infestation. The increased growth of the plants was blamed on urban terrorists. But maybe with an average growth of the bramble plant of three inches a day and agitated movement of the meristem helps the plant to move across the ground. Backward facing spines dig into all surfaces to gain purchase, to tear, to inflict damage. This is just one plant, coursing every forward on a mission of which it is the only one to know where it will end up and what it will do. Maybe it is the fairer winter weather conditions that has increased the growth. One newspaper website published a reader’s story where a single Mother had come downstairs to find   thick ivy shoots that had pushed through the letter box and curled around the base of her Christmas tree. 

…i can see, out of the corner of my eye, the rapidly moving bramble plant brush past yesterday’s newspapers that I was going to use for present wrapping, another punctured window and the temperature drops again, oh, what is that on my ankle…

Maybe it has something to do with the Christmas trees, maybe it is just time for nature to fight back


This may be partly fiction based upon fact and here are the links and facts that I used to create a Christmas ghost story: More than 180 million real Christmas trees are harvested worldwide each year. 6 million are sold in Britain. The Forestry Commission supplies 100,000; Once it has been cut, a Christmas tree will survive in the house for around ten days. the world’s largest Christmas tree is 362 feet high in Mexico City; assuming it’s indoors, a typical 6 foot Norway Spruce will emit around 19 grams of oxygen in a single day, and 14 grams in carbon dioxide in night (AQA text service, text 63336) ; http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p004gx5p ; http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/the-botanist-who-hunts-for-giant-trees-at-kew-gardens-9938031.html ; I tried to write a Christmas Ghost Story that M. R. James would have written if he had been a botanist, Happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year and watch out for the brambles. 
(c) 21/12/14 

Tuesday 30 September 2014

Mother's Musings No. 3

Here is an other entry from Mother's Common Place Book:

"To plough is to pray.
To plant is to prophesy
And the harvest answers
And fulfills."

Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-99)

"Our lives are not our own to dispose of as and when we think fit. Whether we know it or not, we are part of a divine and purposeful plan with a place to fill and a task to perform. And the punishment for...sliding out...is hell. What do you think hell is? Where do you think it is? Who can say? Hell has many names and aspects. Who can describe it? Perhaps you can. The ancient Jews called it Gehenna after a valley outside Jerusalem, a valley desolate and lost, the dumping ground of refuse consumed by perpetual fires - the ultimate end, a place without hope.
A place without hope. But it isn't Gehenna or the furnaces in the depths. It's the break-up where nothing stays good. It's your soul alone in space - trying to get up among the blue stars and being sucked down into the awful heaving sea where everything swirls away and falls apart. Death isn't sleep and darkness. It's the vibrating infinity that could be bright and beautiful if it didn't heel(?) over into hell - the place without hope."

The Man in the Mews, Joy Packer

Monday 29 September 2014

Mother's Musings No. 2

Here is another entry from Mother's Common Place Book:


“If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost,
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are:
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.”


― Walter D. Wintle

Here is a link to a bit more about the poem.

Sunday 28 September 2014

Mother's Musings No.1

Mum, or Margaret Elliott to those who know her, wrote in notebooks and collected little musings, newspaper cuttings and other such paraphernalia that was cut out and stuck in or copied out in her neat writing, so in a way to keep these musings and in order to help her deal with loss of sight, I have started to write the things out from her notebooks - she, like any others of her age and generation wrote a blog in notebooks or Common Place Books.

  • Farm as though you are going to farm forever, but live as though you are going to die tomorrow. (John Marsden)
  • You should plan as if you will live forever and work as if you will die tomorrow.
  • A farmer is the steward of his land for his lifetime.
  • In life you have the choice, to be a large fish in a small pond, or a little fish in the sea.
  • Rather than be at the mercy of your boss, it is better to crow on your own dung hill.
  • There is no better fertiliser for the land then the feel of the farmer's boot. (attributed to Hansard's Report on Small Farmers)
  • To thine own self, be true (Polonius in Hamlet by Shakespeare Act 1, Scene 3, 78-82)
If you know where these might have originated from or you think I may have got something wrong, please feel free to comment...

Thursday 18 September 2014

Scotland dinnae start the fire

Scotland dinnae start the fire
(With apologies to Billy Joel)

North Sea Oil, Irn Bru, Smoked Salmon, Tartan true
Loch Rannock, Our Poor Wullie, Ewan McGregor
Robert Carlyle, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Cumming, Television
North Lanarkshire, South Lanarkshire, Beer Swilling Beggar

Trainspotting, Amy Pond, Rabbie Burns, Bracken Frond
SuperGran, Scrooge McDuck, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Conner MacLeod, Tam Lin, Scotland's beheaded queen
Dr. Finlay, Whiskey Galore, Golf Ball Double Bogey

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning
We dinnae start the fire
No we dinnae right it
But we tried to fight it

Alex Salmond, Tony Blair, and Dame Evelyn Glennie
Vettriano, The Wasp Factory, Deep Fried Cross Bun
James Bond, Buckfast Tonic, Iannucci, Nevis
Inverlair Falls, Lindsay Davidson
Tunnoch’s Teacakes, Scotland’s curling winning team
Gerard Butler, Thirty Nine Steps, Craig Ferguson, Dis Nae Harm
Green Tweed, John Hannah, Gordon Jackson, Courage
Auburn Hair, Twins in Specs, Bowl of Salty Porridge

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning
We dinnae start the fire
No we dinnae right it
But we tried to fight it

Muckle Roe, Oransay, Benbecula, Isle of May
Loch Ness, Dougray Scott, A Reproductive Cell
Deborah Kerr, West Lothian, Caledonian Scene
Edinburgh, Shotgun Shell, Alexander Graham Bell…

John Logie Baird, James Watt, Edinburgh Rock, St. Serf’s Inch
James Hutton, Hemming, Alexander Fleming
Orkney, Heart Disease, Bridge Over The River Forth
Berwickshire , Midge Ure, The Celts A Force Majeur

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning
We dinnae start the fire
No we dinnae right it
But we tried to fight it

Gordon Brown, Rab C, Tam o’ Shanter in Bed
Wee Dram, Sporran, Sgian Dubh in a long sock
Friday Night Behaviour, Harry Pottermania
South Uist, Billy Boyd, Atheletes Battle Weirdly

Choose Life, Hibs and Hearts, Will The Vote Say No Or…
Scotland taken away, what else do I have to say

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning
We dinnae start the fire
No we dinnae right it
But we tried to fight it

Holyrood, McDonald, Loch, Mountain, Firth and Fountain
David Hume, Great Scott , Andy Murray, Celt Rock
Zetland, Perthshire, Kinross-shire, Terror in the Valley
The Kilt Wearing Highlanders, The Wettish Fly Fisherman
Richard Wilson, Airplane, Bomb In The Hold, Lockerbie
Scottish debts, Homeless Pets, Books, Scots, Thistle Stem
Tourists On The Golden Mile, Glasgow holding sport aloft
Yes and No Votes Fighting Now, I can't take it anymore

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning
We dinnae start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on and on and on and on
And on and on and on and on...

Scotland dinnae start the fire
The heather is always burning
Since the kilts have been turning


Monday 19 May 2014

Tips on Dealing with a Partially Sighted Parent - Part One

Some months and maybe more than a year ago, I started this blog as a way to put down my thoughts and this seems the ideal place for putting down a few tips or life hacks to help other children or adults who are looking after their parents who have partial sight.

Please note: these are tips that I have found useful whilst looking after my Mother who has severe visual impairment in the left field of vision that originated from temporal arteritis - these "tips" may or may not help your, the reader, situation or those of who you are caring for (and please don't blame me for anything) but I certainly hope it helps the situation you are in.

  • Piatnik Playing Cards - Superb Giant Index Cards - I got a set from Amazon and have used them for playing Snap and my Mother uses them for playing Patience. The latter game helps with her sight, placing skills and memory. I expect to play with Vingt et Un soon. 
  • Cutting Boards - despite being severely visually impaired, Mother still wants to do things to feel that she is being helpful and she is, too. These boards are flexible, dishwashable and impregnated with anti-bacterial agents.
  • To improve hand eye co-ordination, I gave her a small Klip Lock box with dried cranberries or mixed berry fruit mix and a cocktail stick. This was so that she could pierce the fruit with a cocktail stick, it helped to reinforce a form of eccentric viewing. Her determinism shone through as she finished the box and I felt it did help with depth perception as well.
  • I did also get her a high visibilty USB 2 keyboard to help with her typing on the computer. I used orange bumpons to act as anchor points on the "Q" keys as well as highlighting the keys with the raised lines on them - these being the "F", "J" and the "5" key on the numeric pad. I taught my Mother a few mnemonics to remember the letters on the keyboard. The most successful one was for the second line "All Squid Dive Freely (to the) Golf Hole (to see) JeKyL". 
I look forward to hearing from other people who have had to work with partially sighted or blind people for tips.